I Am Preparing To Toast… A Marshmelon

While playing a game, the question was asked: “What is the saddest movie you have ever seen?” I said the first thing that came to mind: E.T. – The Extra-Terrestrial No fooling. It still gets to me. Then we went farther and started naming movies that were so bad they were sad. Titanic being one of them. I actually laughed when the ship slit in two, and the people slid to their doom. Forgive me if I give any SPOLIERS, but the ship crashes into an iceberg and sinks. The lovey-dovey story between the young artist in third-class who chances upon his aristocratic muse was added to give some dramatic oomph. It also added about 90 minutes to the already 2 hour long movie (and some people say that Dark Knight
was too long). Myself included, but, eh… whatever.

Two of the original cast Star Trek movies fall into the so terrible they are sad. I will save the first feature-length film for another post.Star Trek V – The Final Frontier is the WORST film in the 10 movie franchise. It features the crew of the good starship Enterprise being hi-jacked by a renegade Vulcan who is on a quest to literally “find God” on a planet that lies beyond what is known as the great barrier. The Vulcan, Sybok’s, connection to Mr. Spock is entirely ludicrous. His ability to relieve his “followers” pain by simply touching them is laughable. Sybok even manages to convince most of the Enterprise crew to “see the light.”

The only plausible excuse I can come up with for this mess is the fact that it tried to follow up one of the most lucrative and entertaining films (and in fact, one of the best moments) in Star Trek history. It also may have had something to do with William Shatner’s much publicized ego. The previous 2 installments had been directed by Leonard Nimoy and of course the captain could not allow his first officer to become more powerful than himself. Bill directed this pitiful excuse for a movie and also was credited as a contributor to the screenplay. Of course, the star has placed blame on everyone else and has frequently stated that the finished product was not “his vision.” Ok, Bill …. twenty years from now, you can go back and find your missing footage and attempt to redeem yourself. But, for anyone who has seen only the best of the series, you need not bother with this debacle. Also…. check out the ridiculous poster promoting the movie. And, I almost forgot about the dispenser that Spock used to toast “marshmelons” with while on shore leave at Yosemite with Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy. If I had collected one more proof of purchase from Kraft Marshmallows, I would have had my very dispenser. Would that have been something to say that I was embarrassed to own? Or is the DVD enough?  “Life is a dream.”

Jamy Shaffer