While traversing through the world of Facebook this morning I came across a status that got me thinking again. Thanks!!
How do you know when you’ve met the “one”?
Now I came back with my first rough answer, but the question got me thinking. Once this started I knew that i would have a blog post by some time this evening.
First let’s start with the meaning of the “one”. Most people would take that to be a life partner. Someone you could spend the rest of your days with. Usually people have the underlying thought that this should be a good relationship. And one would think that with a name such as “the one”, it would be a fairly rare occurrence. It has to be hard to find “the one”, doesn’t it? I certainly hope not, and I don’t think so.
So just what is required? From my experience, I think you have to be open to finding a relationship. You may or may not be actively looking, but you have to be actively open to one. I think this is the hardest thing to do, because to really be open, you have to give a little more of yourself if you ever expect to find a relationship. The people you are looking for the relationship with also have to be open to one. Finding out who those people are can also be a difficult task.
So, you’ve taken that first step. You decided to give it a go. You find someone you are interested in, and it seems like they are interested in you. Is that the one? Maybe. Yes, maybe! Right from the start? Yes, right from that very first meeting. BUT (notice that is a big but), you need to take the time to learn about each other. How much time depends on a lot of things, but it could be days, months or years. Yes, it can and does vary that much.
How do you know, when is it apparent? I think that all happens when BOTH (see the highly important both here?) of you can answer the following questions with a big YES.
1) Can we talk about anything? No subject is taboo? Are you comfortable when conversing on all subjects?
This one is a big deal. If you can’t open up in a conversation, can you open up in other areas?
2) Do similar interests? Do you have fun doing the same things?
Basically asking are you compatible in life.
3) Do you have different interests? Are you willing to share or accept the differences? Are you willing to let each other have the time for activities outside of what you do together?
How bad are your green-eyed monsters. Jealousy destroys many relationships.
4) Are you willing to die for each other? Are you both willing to put the other first?
Just asking, how much are you willing to give. If you’re not willing to give everything you have, I don’t feel you found your “One”. I don’t mean you have to die for each other, but the willingness needs to be there.
Good, fulfilling relationships are about giving and receiving. Not give and take. Each person gives to the best of their ability and resources. Each person receives in kind. There should never be an expectation of getting something back when you do something for each other. In doing this you find that part of your giving, is making sure that neither gives too much. As with most things in life, balance is very important. When two people decide that they want this kind of relationship, then they have found their “ones”.
Very in-depth take on the question, which is good because these days, it seems like it’s very easy for many people to fool themselves into thinking they’ve found “the one”. I will stick with the answer I gave on the friend’s facebook page:
You just KNOW. There is never ANY doubt.
At least in my experience… I could elaborate, but I think those two sentences sum it up pretty well. Besides, it was her fb post, and it’s your blog 🙂
Yes, you just know. Without any doubt. I agree, but I will ask what makes up that knowledge? Can it be broken up and defined?
Be friends first. You may “know” right from the start that they’re “the one,” but be friends first. It gives you time to learn about and adjust to each other. Relationships are hard enough without adding the pressure of expecting everything to be “perfect” right off the bat. You are going to fight, even if they are “the one.” If you never fight about anything, than you don’t care enough about them to be honest with them. And make sure there is a strong physical attraction. Sex isn’t everything, and you should not choose “the one” based solely on their looks, but a lack of intimacy will doom your relationship. You need that emotional closeness.
I love Husband. He is wonderful. And we get angry, annoyed, and we fight. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because I need him to tell me the truth, even when I REALLY do not want to hear it. And vice versa.
I think it’s perfect advice and makes perfect sense.
Being “friends” first doesn’t always work either apparently. There are times when you are fairly certain you know, but then you get a curve ball thrown at you.
Defined? Well, everything you said above is good, but if I were asked, I probably wouldn’t be able to define it and would resort to cheesy romantic comedy-type lines that described the way I felt when I met my husband:
It felt like I found my missing piece, discovered my other half, like he was made for me, we were made for each other, and like we complete each other.
But you know, I think there is a “the one” for most, and I think the Bible says it best in Genesis 2:24 – “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.”
and in Matthew 19:6 – “So they are no longer two, but one…”
Forming any sort of relationship at all outside of working together has been my problem. Romance is so far down the way that it is more a dream than anything else.
Derek, what ever happened to singles activities at your church? Do you have a singles Bible study? We used to until the Care Pastor left. And what’s wrong with dating someone you meet at work?
Dating people you work with can raise issues with other employees. Some companies have rules about dating in “the firm”. As my own rule, I just don’t consider it. Not sure if what I think has any impact on Derek.
This really wasn’t a spur of the moment post. I’ve spent bits and pieces of the last few years trying to determine why I was part of a successful marriage. This post is a partial result. Will this help me in the future? Who knows?
We do have singles groups- I could partake in two of them if I wished (30s which allows ages up to 44-45 and a 40s group). I just got so uncomfortable when I went that I just stopped going altogether.
Such a simple question…yet such complexed thoughts and answers. I appreciate your thoughts on this topic John and I enjoyed reading everyone’s comments. thank you 🙂