It seems to me that no matter how much I don’t want to go back to work and leave my son, that’s the one thing I will have to be doing shortly. Ben is growing so fast, though I don’t always notice it, since I see him every day, but he already can’t wear his preemie footie clothing because he is too long for them. His little legs always have to stay bunched up while he wears them, and since he’s supposed to be stretching his legs out, I can’t put him in them. He still fits the preemie onies that he has, and slowly fitting his newborn clothes.

As the day draws closer to Feb. 6, I cannot help but feel upset and sad. I don’t want to leave Ben, and unless something drastic changes, I will have to return to work. Money is already becoming tight, so returning to work will help that. meilleur site achat viagra I actually miss walking and getting some exercise in, so that will be a plus, and my job wasn’t bad. I don’t mind working. Actually, to tell the truth, not working is driving me crazy. But, I will continue to look for an at home job, so I can be with my son and still work. At the moment, I am looking into tutoring. I love math and English, so why not use what I am good at to help other people. I can’t help people from Kindergarten to people in college. I’m not exactly sure how to get started, but I will make it through somehow.

If I knew how to make money writing on my blog, I would do that as well. I have also been working on a story about Egypt. That is when Ben lets me stop reading about Egypt. 🙂 Traveling to Egypt might help with the story, but getting it started feels great. Who knows, I might finish it, and then wait to get it published until I actually get to see Egypt and fix it up a bit. I want to take Ben to see all the places we have been reading about, to travel the Nile, to see Tut’s tomb, see Ramesses II’s mummy, and so much more! Someday, I will make it to all these different places, it will just take time and faith.

I just put my son down in his bed and my arms suddenly feel empty. Ben isn’t quite a month old yet and I hate the thought of leaving him to go back to work. I just love being here when he wakes up, the feel of him in my arms, hearing the sounds he makes in his sleep, feeding him and suddenly having my cat, Padme, curl up on my lap next to him… the list is just endless. Sure, there are some things I don’t enjoy all the time, but nothing is perfect. There isn’t a part of life that is perfect for anyone. If someone tells you anything different, they are most likely lying to you.

I only have a few short weeks left before I have to go back to work and I know that they are going to fly by. How does one expect me to be able to get up and know that I have to leave my son with someone else and be able to concentrate on my job? Not be able to look at his adorable little face for eight hours? I don’t even have set hours and that is going to kill me! Maybe it would be better for me if I knew that I would work a set schedule, but at Goodwill, I work different hours every day and every week. Working at Goodwill isn’t a bad thing, it’s not the job that I hate, it’s the thought of leaving Ben.

I love the thought of being able to stay here all day, with a work schedule that I set, and know that Ben is only an arm’s reach away. Being here when he learns to roll over, to crawl, here his first attempts to talk…

Well, Tony and I have gotten news that his parents will have to sell the house we’re living in because of their taxes. That means we are looking for a new place for us, the cats and Amie. Unfortunately, we cannot afford anything that isn’t a foreclosure. We know that we can afford $200 a month and so anything over that will most likely be pushing it. We have seen two house online, but we haven’t actually gotten the opportunity to take a look in them. One has five bedrooms and two bathrooms and really looks nice on the outside, but of course, the inside might not  be that great. It is two hundred dollars a month, so it’s at the top of our price range, but it has the space we will need. There would be two bathrooms, so Amie could have her own, and Betsy would be able to have a room when she stays the night, plus a room for our computers, and maybe a room for my stuffed animals. Kind of sad that my animals need a room for themselves, isn’t it?

The other house has three bedrooms, which would be enough. We don’t need the other two, it would just be a really, really nice perk. The one downside is that there is one bathroom. Though, if it’s bigger than the one we have now, it might be all right. It would be about sixty five dollars a month. That’s not bad, but the inside might look really bad. We are hoping to be able to see the inside soon enough. We would like to be able to find a house as soon as possible.

Of course, both houses we will have to pay electric and gas bill, but we already do that. It will be hard to find something in about a month, I think, especially since we would like to stay in Bryan because we only have one car and both of our jobs are in Bryan. We are hoping to be able to look at some houses later this week. Pat will be contacting a friend of hers, who helped find their house to help us out.

I feel bad for Amie, since she just moved in and she will have to move again and we haven’t even been able to tell her since she has been at work and we don’t know when she will be home. But if we find a good house, maybe we will be able to have a house that will let her spread out some more and let us not feel like our house is always dirty. Plus, give more room for our cats to run around and play. Pray for us. We really need it.

Goodwill has not opened officially yet, but they have gotten us back to work and hired seven new people. At the moment, I am putting clothes onto racks while everyone else is filling up racks and sorting clothes. Working full-time is a different experience and after working just one week at full0time, I am not used to it. My legs have finally stopped hurting after work, but my feet still hurt after only a couple of hours walking around. I have gotten very lazy around the house right now, since standing on my feet after work is very difficult to stand in front of the sink for about 15 minutes. By the time I am finally used to the full-time, eight hours on my feet, I will be back to my cashier position with only a couple of days a week and even less hours a day. 🙁 I was supposed to be either working in the back as a full-time sorter or going through the housewares, but that for some reason didn’t work out. Then I was going to be a head cashier, but that didn’t pull through either. I am not sure why, since Sarah, the manager, said to everyone who had be hired back that we would get first pick because we had waited so long to be back to work. Obviously, that did not happen for me and I am still a cashier. I  am full-time at the moment, up until the store opens, and then my hours will be cut.

Because of all the bills Tony and I have building up, I will have to find something else to do as well. Tony’s hours are being cut at KFC because they are not staying open as late and we keep having bills added to our already long list of bills. Next month, we have to add the electric bill to out list and then probably shortly after that, we will start paying rent for the house. We are staying at his parents’ old house and thankfully, they weren’t making us pay anything because I was not getting a lot of hours at work. Then, when Sarah and Sue went to work at the new store, I started getting more hours at the outlet store, so we had to get the gas in our name and start paying that. Once again, things changed for the worse, Sarah and Sue had to stop working at the new store because things became a standstill, so they came back to work and my hours were once again cut. We are hoping that things will change, that we can find jobs, either a second job or one that is full-time that will help us through this tough time. We are willing to stretch our food, just to make sure our cat and frog will be comfortable and have enough food. Our animals are so important to us and we want them to be happy. 🙂

I have been given two choices to choose from at Goodwill. Well, actually three if one really thinks about it. I am either able to stay on as a cashier, move up to head cashier or move into the bak and start sorting clothes. I have already said no to staying a cashier. I need more hours. So that leaves me with head cashier or sorting clothes. I have been told by my boss that either one would be all right for me, since I am a reliable person, but I really don’t know which one would be the best for me.

With being the head cashier, I would be making more money, with the $.20 increase in pay. I would be working about thirty hours a week, though it could be more, and I would be able to get mangagerial experience. But there are downsides to this as well. I would not be able to be in choir, most likely because I would be working at least two Sundays a month, I would be working with people more, since I take complaints and stuff like that and I’m still not full time.

Now, with the sorting job, I would be full time, get weekends off and spend all day with Monica. But, unfortunately, I wouldn’t be moving around as much, and I would be doing the same thing over and over, which at least up front, I can go from putting away clothes, to helping costomers, and putting things onto the shelves. I would have a job where I would know when I would almost every week. I don’t want to say that I would know for sure, since it might vary somewhat from time to time, but it would make hanging out with friends and family a lot easier. I wouldn’t have to deal with costomers in the back very often, but that might shove me back into the shell that I had been in before starting at Goodwill.

With both positions I am able to get insurance, which I need. I do not want to choose where I go just because I am able to work with Monica again. I need to choose because that is the best choice for me. I love Monica to death, but I have to be happy with where I am working also. I had hoped that writing this would help me bring my thoughts into perspective and help make my decision easier, but it hasn’t. :'( I know I don’t have a lot of time to choose, so I really need to get this made and quickly. I just have to hope it is the right decision.

It’s weird, I get a call about Goodwill opening and I will get to help set up the store. So, I would be working again in June. But that’s not all of it! I got a call from Movie Gallery yesterday and they wanted me to have an interview with them. Of course, I was babysitting and therefore couldn’t make it to that interview, but I have one for this evening. For months, I cannot get anyone interested in hiring me and now that I will be getting my job back, and possibly a better position, I have people who are interested. Isn’t that the way things always work out? I know that at my interview today, I will have to be open and honest with them. I will have to tell them that I will be working again soon, and maybe with about thrity hours a week, plus, I am getting a little busy during the weekends at the moment. Once my wedding is over with, things won’t be a problem with weekends really. I am not opposed to working two jobs since that will help Tony and I out a lot! But, the thing is will I be able to work two jobs? Some people are able to handle it and others are not. Plus, it all depends on if they want to hire me over at Movie Gallery. Good thing that Movie Gallery and Goodwill will be right across the street from each other! 😉

Oh my goodness! I’m so excited, I’m not sure how to express myself right now! Goodwill should be open by Monday the 13th! That means I’ll have a job again and will be able to start saving my money again. Ugh, I hated the staying at home all day. I was so bored and kept reading stories online. Fanfiction.net became a very good friend to me during these months of boredom. I searched over and over again for some job, but could never find anything. Goodwill reopening has brought hope into my future. This means, Tony and I will be able to get an apartment soon (I seriously hope so anyway). It would be so nice to actually have a place of our own, though we wouldn’t be living together in it until after we’re married. I don’t expect us to actually have the money to get a place until after the wedding anyway.
Goodwill will be located near Wal-Mart temporarily, and then by the end of the summer, it will be somewhere else. I’m not sure where that is, but at the moment, I don’t really care. I’m going to be working again!

I had a job interview at First Federal today, though most of you didn’t know it. I have been looking for a different job since January. I have to pay for my wedding and since Goodwill is still closed, I really need a job! Unfortunately, I don’t think I did very well at the interview. Tony kept telling me that I was going to get this job. Even though it’s part time, I would get benefits, which both Tony and I need once we get married. I would have health insurance, paid vacation, not have to work on Sundays (always a plus since I have church in the morning, choir practice at 5:30 and then church again at 7:00). I think it would have been all right until I had to answer why I would be better than others for this job, what would I bring to the company. I know you’re supposed to make yourself look good and everything, but I just couldn’t. I had no answer. I am not any more special than the next person, and so I answered truthfully. I didn’t know. Yeah, some good answer. I guess it’s back to the newspaper for job searching.