Over the years I have wondered if I actually have any emotions. Besides anger. When my grandparents, one by one, passed away (one is still alive at about 90) I know I should have felt more than I did. I’m embarrassed to say that even when I lost my father I didn’t grieve overly much, though maybe that’s because of how he died. It wasn’t sudden but spread out over weeks. I guess I did experience more during the drawn out days, but never the extent that I often see in others.
No one passed away this time, so what’s going on? Well, it started the weekend before last. Eight days ago. Following the message by our campus pastor (the senior pastor was on sabbatical and returned this past weekend) the associate pastor went up to give an announcement. A very discouraging announcement. It would be inappropriate for me to go into the details but it turned out our children’s pastor, a man who I called friend for several years now had to resign and was gone from our campus. I had just spoken to him the week before, as had many people, and we never knew what would become the basis of the announcement. Nothing illegal by the way, so don’t let your thoughts go there friends.
So he is suddenly gone and I may never see him again. I do know from what another pastor mentioned during our children’s leadership meeting that he and his wife are doing okay, attending another church, and definitely in contact with at least that one pastor. The discussion about him, the “elephant in the room” during a meeting where as far as everyone knew he would be too just eight or nine days prior, was yet an emotional one for our family pastor who will be taking on the duties he gave up to the now-former pastor several years ago once again.
He’s grieving. I’m grieving. But no one died. Yet things won’t be the same. Can I call him? I have his number. I called him friend at church, but I never saw him outside of church. Not appropriate then? I don’t know what I would even say if I called. Perhaps the best thing is what our pastor said to us- just pray for him and his family.
Okay, it’s proven, I have emotion- now when will this feeling go away?
I believe that no two people grieve in the same way. Is “not grieving” your way of doing so? Hypothetical.
We recently lost our youth pastor as well, and I grieved. However, his leaving was under positive circumstances and our missing him has been dulled by being excited about the amazing opportunity that God has given him and his family. I wish the best for your friend.
PS – I really appreciated the openness and honesty of this post 🙂
We have lost several pastors (not the senior or associate pastors) due to moving to other ministries, other churches. As you said, these are generally positive moves, and often we know they are coming. Still, they are gone from us and would be missed I know. None of them were like this one though, or affected me so deeply. Maybe part of it is due to knowing exactly where the others are and how they are serving. I don’t know. It is comforting to know that he is dealing positively with the issue, leaving what happened behind him, according to what we’ve been told.