Day 1 is almost finished. 5 years ago today, I found out that my wife had terminal cancer. We knew it was cancer before that day, but we didn’t know anything about the kind of cancer. At the University of Michigan Medical Center we found out it was a very rare aggressive cancer, most likely terminal.
This day five years ago put a gray shadow on the Thanksgivings that were to follow.
I don’t care what people say, time does not heal all wounds. Time makes some wounds bearable.
Well I did make it through the day. Actually had a relaxing time. Spending time with people/family who knew my wife and were not afraid to bring her into the conversation of the day helped.
We didn’t have a traditional Thanksgiving meal. There was no turkey or dressing. The mashed potatoes were part of a Shepard’s Pie. Breads of all kinds filled the table. There was plenty of food and even more conversation.
I had a long talk with my dear wife’s parents. They do treat me well. Saw two of my four daughters. One is still many states away, the other spent the day with her future husband’s family. That is the way life goes. Families grow and the young leave the nest. This really isn’t a sad time for me, I’m proud to see my children grow and become adults.
So there are things to be thankful for after all
Good night folks.
(((Hugs)))
These are hard times, but it sounds like you handled it beautifully.
Yes, time does not HEAl all wounds. But her legacy is and will continue to live on and for that you can be extremely thankful 😉
Is your wound one of those more bearable now than a few years ago? I hope it is. And five years from now, even more so. There will always be some rough spots, but they will be fewer and fewer. I do believe time will eventually heal it, but as with some things healed, it will leave a scar that will sometimes bother you.
derek
Yes, more bearable. There are the few rough spots, and this is the time of the year when most of them occur.
Would it be easier to have the rough spots in a different time of year, I wonder? This is a hard time of year to have grief memories, but you are also surrounded by friends and family… perhaps another time of year would bring more pain if there weren’t so many holidays to distract you… just a thought, I don’t know. Feel free to talk about your wife to your friends whenever you want. Just because we might not know what to say doesn’t mean we don’t want to hear it – I love hearing about her. Glad you had a good Thanksgiving. And by the way, I didn’t see any reindeer up at the square this year!
taylhis,
This I know the answer to. This is a time of year when other people expect you to “put on a happy face”. ‘Tis the season and all that. There are a lot of people who don’t know what to do when someone isn’t in the mood to be joyful. Society makes this time harder for those with a reason not to be joyful. I’ve heard all sorts of reasons to ‘be happy’ this time of year.
I have a very good memory for dates (or I used to), but all the important dates in our life together stick with me. The dates that fall outside of this time of year, became easier to handle. Nobody questioned my feelings on those other days. They were accepted with no explanation. Funny how people will let you be down on Mother’s day, Valentine’s Day, Birthday’s and Anniversaries when you are missing the one that shared those days with you. These same people feel the need to break you out of the mood at Christmas time.
For me, I’ve been lucky. I found a group of good friends that don’t question my ups or downs. Of course, since I tend to sequester myself during the darkest hours, they understand my need to be alone too.
Your post struck a chord with me – yep, time doesn’t heal all wounds, but does make some more bearable. I’m four years out and still find myself reminiscing, hitting those dark spots – and doing my best to adapt to the new normal.
Hugs to you and your family
Lisa