I did have a post about Saturday Night in Toledo Ohio a while ago, but tonight I spent my time in Bryan Ohio. First at our theater’s new Weekenders productions. I would recommend these to anyone. It was a fun night. This was my first visit to something that has been going on for a little over a month. It could be comedy, singing or a little acting, but if they are all like tonight, it is a whole lot of fun.

Then a little impromptu visit to a local establishment across from the little theater. Had fun visiting with friends. I’m not one for the bar scene, but we almost had the place to ourselves. Quiet night in Bryan. If it hadn’t been for all the snow, I think the sidewalks would have been rolled up. 😉

For those readers who aren’t regulars of the WCCT, check out the link on this page. A lot of fun things are happening in either Bryan or Montpelier.

Two week count down to opening night for “The Lion in Winter”. I would love to see you there (really).

More Weekenders will be scheduled. More great shows coming up.

The past week and a half in our house has been awful.  It all came to a head last Friday when our two-year-old got sick in the car.  Last weekend, when she wasn’t sleeping, she was throwing up or in the words of Chandler, played by Matthew Perry on the tv show Friends, “visiting a town a little south of throwing up…”.  Later in the weekend, her baby brother was afflicted with the same illness, and now we had huge messes x2.  Big sister Sammie got it later in the week, but luckily, the little ones started feeling better.  Add in a snow day and a couple of weather delays, and our house was chaos for what seemed like forever.  On top of everything, I had some sort of extreme fatigue.  I was so worried about it that I even made a doctor’s appointment and went in, where the doctor ran some blood tests and even gave me a neck xray since I had a strange achiness accompanying the fatigue.  I guess it didn’t occur to me that I could have the same virus that struck down the kids, mainly because I didn’t have the same (disgusting) symptoms they had, but I did look up some stuff on the internet in an attempt to scare diagnose myself.  The good news is, my xrays and blood tests came back normal (well, I’m actually still waiting on one of the tests, but it’s Friday and the nurses are out to lunch and won’t be back until Monday afternoon – what is that?  Can I have a job like that?), but the tests that did come back show that there is nothing wrong with my thyroid or my iron levels, both of which I thought were possibilities.  So that’s good…  I guess.  If there was something wrong with my body chemically, we’d be able to fix it, and then I’d have the energy I need to keep up with my 4 little kids.  Now that most things came back normal, I don’t know where to start to feel better…   Although I do feel much better today, but still no where near normal, and that makes me think it might be the illness my kids had after all.  But it was a bizarrely lengthy version of the stomach flu, and it will take us weeks (at least!) to catch up on all the work that didn’t get done in the week and a half of illness, sigh.

My husband had to take off from some of his work so he could watch the kids while I rested, and especially with all the laundry we’ve had to do around here, Mt.  Washmore is once again threatening to take over the second floor of our house.  All this catching up, and I’m still exhausted…  My husband seems to think I have sleep apnea, mostly because I snore often and loudly and I’m always needing more sleep.  I forgot to bring this up to the doctor, but if I ever get ahold of her and that last test comes back normal, maybe we can go from there…  I do seem to need an awful lot of sleep to function.  Well, anyway, that’s my story – sorry if I grossed anyone out (especially body-function-joke-hater Derek), but I thought people should know where I’ve been for the last two weeks.  At least the kids are feeling better – it was beyond sad to see them crabby, lethargic and not able to keep anything down…  Is it time for summer yet?!?

Two different family members sent me an email forward with the following video because they knew I’d love it.  They were right!  The following is a touching story about the unlikely but very true friendship between a dog and an elephant – you have to see it to believe it!

I usually spend Saturday evenings at my oldest daughter’s house.  This is 1 hour away from where I live, so it is a bit of a drive to get home.  We go late into the evening playing all sort of games, the normal game is some sort of ‘role playing’ game.   The games are always fun for me, but that is not the focus of this post.

Nope, the focus is my thoughts on the drive home, and the 45 minutes to an hour I need to spend to ‘unfocus’ from my drive home.  Driving late at night, I push my body awake.  Kind of like a coffee kick without the coffee.  I can just force myself to be alert, unless I’m really very tired.  This comes in very handy on long drives, or other activities that need my full attention.  It is a ‘gift’ I’ve always had.   As with all gifts, there is a downside.  It does take some time to unwind.

Anyway after all this, I was thinking on the drive home about where I am in life.  I am an only parent, but my daughters are  growing up.  Two are married and out of the house, one is engaged to be married soon, the youngest is now a senior in High School, just months from turning 18.  They don’t need their dad as much as they did 5 short years ago.   I’ve been a widower for 5 years, so in most peoples eyes I would be considered single.  I won’t go into the ins and outs of all the differences with this label, but for me, I prefer the widower label to the single label.  I never made the choice to be alone, it was kind of forced on me.  That in and of itself is enough for me.

I now know of some people trying to ‘set me up’.   Dating, while it has crossed my mind, isn’t my main concern.  I’m not out there looking.  If someone falls in my lap, so to speak, I guess I wouldn’t mind.  But looking for someone to be with is not my primary goal right now.  I have good friends, wonderful daughters, somewhat strange, but likable family, and hobbies that keep my mind occupied.  I’ve been busy trying to find out who I am.  For so many years I was part of a well oiled team.  That team got split up, and now I’m a solo act.  I’m just starting to find out what is important to me.  There really hasn’t been any time to spend dating.  I’m not even sure I want to go through the hassle of getting to know someone again.  Never enjoyed that when younger, I’m fairly certain I won’t now.  My wife and I kind of just clicked together.  Not from the first meeting, but within a few dates, it was like we knew each other forever.   Spent 20 years both knowing her and getting to know her better, not a bad way to spend 20 years.   Now, I’m not even sure what I would be looking for, but then again, I wasn’t sure 25+ years ago either.

I was also thinking about my weekly gaming sessions at my daughter’s house.  Does this infringe on the time I should be spending with the two younger daughter still (at least somewhat) in the ‘nest’?   Do they need more of my time, or is this a good use of my time.   I tend to enjoy the gaming, and it does relax me.  Good point in dealing with the day to day troubles/situations my two at home can give me.   I’m thinking I should just talk to the other 2 involved.  Yep, that is the answer there.

Also thinking about how much time I should spend with the theater.  Yes, I’m currently preparing for a show, I’m on the production board, I tend to volunteer for other projects.  Am I spending too much time there?

Do I spend too much time blogging?  Yes, sometimes I do.  (like now)  Could I use time better?  Sure.  Are other interests suffering from this?   You betcha.  But this is the place I clear my head, so I have more room to fit all the other stuff going on.  Doesn’t need to be a daily habit, but the clearing is beneficial.

Yes, all this and more went through my brain on an hour drive.   Now I’ve relaxed and I’m able to get much needed rest.   Read through at the playhouse later this afternoon.

A day like today was made for wondering.   Warm (for January) and very sunny.  A day made for quiet reflection. To sit and see the sun shining through the trees with a fire in the fireplace was most enjoyable.  With the warm temperature of the day, the fire has now been allowed to fade.  The sun is doing an wonderful job providing extra heat to the house.  It is comfortable.

So in these times of quiet reflection, I often wonder about the past and future.  More of the future now, than the past, but the past does have a place in my heart.

So today I’m wondering what my future holds.  What the futures of my daughters’ holds.  It is enough to wonder.  I don’t need any answers yet, the wondering and pondering of this is enough.

My hope is that my daughters are happy in life.   I had a very happy life for twenty years.  I would hope for at least the same for my daughters.

I don’t need to wonder about the past anymore.  The past is just that, the past.  It is over, the wondering is over.  The past is a place to store memories of the hopes of days gone by.  A place to keep memories, both good and bad.

Do you wonder about your future?  The future of those you love?  Today, tomorrow, next month?  Do you make plans, or just live day by day?  What happens when the plans fail?  Do you wonder?

My plans in life are simple.  I want to be content.  I was happy and sad.  Happy is very good.  Sad is not so good.  Content is restful.  Today I am content.

New Year’s eve and I toasted in the new Year. I’ve made that toast with the same beverage for the Since New Years Eve 1983/1984. My future brother-in-law brought some Piesporter with him. My future wife did not care for wines at all really liked this wine. From that date on, we shared a bottle of some type of Piesporter. It has been a holiday tradition for a long time.

After her death, I kept buying that type of wine for both New Year’s Eve and our Anniversary. I have not shared the bottle with anyone until last night. In the past few years, if I was out for the evening, I would save my toast until I got home. I didn’t feel like sharing this wine. This year I spent the evening with some good friends. I did share my bottle with those who wanted it.

If they enjoyed the wine, that was wonderful. If they didn’t care for it, it doesn’t matter. I also shared a bottle of the same wine with family and friends on the anniversary of her death. This is the first year, I’ve shared the wine. It may not mean a lot to those who shared with me, but in mind it had a lot of meaning.

To those who shared, thank you for accepting a gift from my heart, and helping me remember the good times I did have for many years.

Happy New Year.

Did you every have a day you thought would have turned out differently? Did you ever expect one thing, and have something else happen? To answer those questions, yes, I did. Yesterday was one of those days.

It was decided earlier that my daughters and I would go to the Zoo to see the Christmas Light display before it closed for the season. As a family we’ve always enjoyed visiting the light display. As a family we were members since 1984. The Lights before Christmas started in 1986 and has been our family tradition since that date. We took our small children in strollers, pushed grandfathers (due to health or injury) on wheelchairs. We took relatives from warmer climates on very cold evenings. We even went on cold rainy nights. It was a winter escape. As a family we enjoyed the evenings together.

Since 2003, we have not been able to attend as a complete family. My wife was too ill to take the cold weather in her final month, and I stayed with her. She hasn’t been there since that year of course. The years following one daughter or another has not been there as we toured the lights. This year my daughter in Florida was not in Ohio to attend. I am very sorry she missed it again.

So three of my daughters, my son-in-law, some friends when to the lights, on the 5th anniversary of my dear wife’s death. I thought a melancholy day was in order. I forgot who much I enjoy the company of my family and friends. I also forgot the magic of seeing hundreds of colorful lights. A day of memories and togetherness. Not really a sad memory last night at all.

After the evening of lights, we went to my eldest daughter’s house and shared a glass of wine and bit of dinner. A toast to her memory and more conversation. A wonderful night. I needed that. It was another healing effect on my life. Family is wonderful.

Reluctantly, I saw Marley and Me in the movie theater yesterday.  It’s not that it was a bad movie, but I didn’t want to see it in the theater because I knew it would be a tear-jerker since I read the book by John Grogan.  Unfortunately, I don’t remember much about the book since I read it a long time ago, and I do all of my book reading while I’m dozing off just before bed, which sometimes makes it difficult to remember what I’ve read.  But I know I really enjoyed the novel and recommended it to my family and friends.  The story is about a family who gets a puppy named Marley, and the novel follows his journey through life as the ‘world’s worst dog’.  But eventually, Marley charms his way into the hearts of his family, even helping them through life changes and tragedies.

From what I remember, I think the movie stays pretty close to the book, although I don’t necessarily agree with the casting choices of Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson as Marley’s masters.  I was a big fan of the tv show Friends, but every movie I’ve seen Jennifer Aniston in since seems like she’s still Rachel, her character from Friends.  She’s just not a very diverse actor in my book, which I also think she has in common with Owen Wilson.  But characters in this heartwarming family film were not very deep, so in the end the poor casting did little to sink the movie.  And you’ll notice that I crossed out family film.  Another thing that disappointed me was the PG rating Marley and Me received.  There are about 3 too many adult-themed scenes that I wouldn’t want my kids to see, and I’m really glad I previewed this film before I let them see it, which I usually do anyway.  This movie should NOT have received a PG rating, and it will make me more careful about making sure I preview everything before the kids view it, regardless of rating.

But overall, cute movie.  If you’re an animal lover or have ever owned a dog, prepare to cry.  Sorry if you consider that a spoiler, but it’s been all over the media and has dominated water cooler talk everywhere about how sad the movie and book are.  I’m sure you can guess what happens and you think you can prepare yourself, but you can’t.  I was a total wreck in the theater and have had a bit of a cloud over me ever since.  But don’t let that scare you away from seeing Marley and Me.  I think it just struck a chord in me because we own a dog who was once ‘The World’s Worst Dog’ and is now an old lady who has been a huge part of our family for over 10 years.  I probably would not watch this movie again, but only for lack of wanting to ride the emotional rollercoaster it provokes in its viewers.  The big screen version of Marley and Me was entertaining, and it made me definitely want to read the book again…  if only I had time for that.

The past few weeks have been busy, very busy. Here I was hoping for some time to relax and more stuff seems to happen. I had nothing planned for today or most of tomorrow. A time for catching up on all those things that get put to the side during busy times.

That isn’t going to happen at all. I need to get my truck looked at by a body shop or two. I’m not sure how long that will take. Then I have to pick up a new head light and see if I can get it pointed in the right direction. Until the truck get fixed up, the headlight assembly is pointing to the sky. The high beam works, but never hits the road. The low be exploded when the deer hit the truck. The assembly itself seems to have lost any mounting to the vehicle. Which may be a good thing. It is still in 1 piece. Those assemblies are expensive.

Then there will be more things to go to. One more trip to Toledo, for the family, tomorrow night. And any New Years Eve plans. Go here, and there and everywhere.

This holiday season has been busy. In most ways that was very good. In some ways very tiring.

Oh well, off to see a man about a truck.

I don’t know that I will have much time to blog in the next few days and I wanted to get this down. 5 years ago this weekend, I spent as much of the weekend (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) with my wife. The two youngest were spending time at Grandma’s house (with Mom), so The oldest and I were back and forth taking care of the multitude of animals.

I really don’t remember anymore what we did on Friday or Saturday. Those days were lost in the many days traveling back and forth from home to Toledo. But the final Sunday I remember very well indeed.

I took my oldest in to visit (Again, I don’t know what day), and that Sunday my in-laws took my youngest 3 out for the day. I spent Sunday the 28th with my wife. We didn’t do a lot. She sat and did some word search puzzles and a crossword or two. I was reading various magazines and books. A nice quite time. Around lunchtime I found out that the movie The Incredible Mr. Limpet. Sarah and I both liked that movie, so we watched it while eating. We had Campbell’s Vegetable soup and some crackers. I drank coffee, she had some hot tea. She dozed on and off while watching the movie. When it was over she said she was very tired and wanted to get some rest.

She leaned on me walking down the hall, so she wouldn’t lose her balance. I tucked her in gave her a hug and kiss. She slept the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. The rest of the family came back. I took my 2nd daughter back home that evening. Late in the evening my wife went to the emergency room with breathing problems. Shortly after that she was transferred back up to the Ann Arbor Hospital.

That Monday I found out that the cancer had grown back to more than the original size. She had developed pneumonia. She had very little time. That night (early morning really) at 3:55 she passed away. That will be 5 years this Tuesday morning.

For the first few months, I would wake up every morning at 3:55. Then it was every Tuesday at 3:55. Then it was the 30th of each month at 3:55. Finally it was only on the 30th of December. I’m not sure what will happen this Tuesday, it doesn’t matter really. The memories are different this year. The anniversaries are more introspective than really sad and depressing.

Many things have helped over the years. Wonderful family, good friends, theater therapy and many other things. I’ve been lucky and blessed.

There is one other thing to mention. The night after Sarah’s death my three youngest were at home. We tried to welcome in the new year. Not a joyful evening, but one of shock. The thing I remember of that night is seeing all the girls in their mother’s Eeyore sweats. Bittersweet, yes, but again I remember feeling blessed with my daughters.

So this is the final entry of what happened 5 years ago. Starting the 31st it is the 6th year of being a widower, I have no idea were that journey will lead.