What can happen in just one weekend in the populous metropolitan Chicago area?  Check this photo out:

As if that first picture didn’t say enough, the second picture shows that people are still filing down the ramp in the center!  What is this guy on you may ask?  Well, two weekends ago (yeah, I’m a lazy poster…) was the Harvest crusade at the Allstate arena.  Greg Laurie, the pastor from Harvest Christian Fellowship in California (not to be confused with Chicago’s Harvest Bible Chapel though the two pastors are good friends) came to our area with a message of hope for everyone.  I attended Sunday night, which hosted a standing-room only crowd!  If I am not being clear, I apologize and think of Greg Laurie as today’s Billy Graham, bringing the message of salvation via crusades in various cities when he is not firing up his own congregation in California.  I have to say- well never mind what I have to say except that it was an awesome experience.  Yes, only God is awesome but since this is His work after all…

Why forget what I have to say?  Because they posted videos of all three nights on their website!  And each night is different.  I actually attended on the night he talked about following Christ even through the pain of loss.  A couple of years ago he lost his own adult son due to a tragic car accident so I would say he is well qualified as a follower and as one who has experience.  Two of the musicians that night also suffered loss- Steven Curtis Chapman who lost a young daughter the very same year as pastor Laurie’s loss, and Jeremy Camp who lost a wife due to cancer several years ago.  Their pain is evident in their songs following the deaths, and they show their faithfulness in the face of it like pastor Laurie by continuing to follow Christ and spread His good news.

Each night is different, so just because you watched one in no way means you’ve seen it all!  Okay, I will have to put my money where my mouth is and watch the other two nights myself.  Saturday I believe was geared toward young adults and teens.  Friday I am not sure, but if you fall into neither category mentioned then Friday will probably be the best choice to watch if you only watch one.

So what does that number in the title represent?  Well, Allstate Arena (formerly Rosemont Horizon) seats well over that amount- in fact over 47,000 attended all weekend.  No, that number represents decisions for Christ made that weekend.  That was one big party in Heaven, as there is much rejoicing over just ONE soul saved.  Look at those pictures again.  The floor of the arena was mostly empty during the presentation and music.  In those photos people who accepted Christ that night came down to receive Bibles and followup information.  Okay, many of the people were follow-up workers (I could have been one since I went through the training beforehand, but I felt I wasn’t ready- next time!) but still- we were told around 2600 had accepted Christ over the last two nights, which means over 2000 were just on Sunday!

Time for me to shut up and let you click to the website.  To a certain blogger who lost his own wife- PLEASE WATCH SUNDAY’S PRESENTATION.  That is all.  And some videos below. [No, the songs I would link to are contained in the messages on the website, so I will not distract you from them].

https://www.harvest.org/crusades/2010/chicago/

I had a longer weekend then most since I took Friday off. The day was filled with some time of quiet reflection for me. I was in need of some time and space to think. That evening and well into Saturday morning was filled with friends and companionship.

Since I was up so late, Saturday was one to recuperate until the evening. Then on to my oldest daughter’s house for our regular Saturday gathering. It started late, and went long. The end of the day was filled with a strong sense of family. We were there to support each other when it was needed.

There was laughter and fun this weekend. We shared food and good times. We shared in common interests. We shared fun in the life of others. In that, life continues.

One year ago on the 13th of August, future laughter was never heard. Sadness filled many hearts. Other loss was averted, but the anxiety was left behind.

It has been one year, but the loss is still there. The loss remains and will remain.

It has been one year, but the love is still there. That love seems to grow daily.

It has been one year, you are gone, but not forgotten. Memories remain, however short they were.

It has been one year, and that is not a magic number. Time heals, but scars remain. Pain fades, but the hurt is still real.

Friends, family and love continue. In those things there can be strength. It is not weakness to shed tears, it is strength and love.

We miss all of those we lose, but on some days a special one is remembered.

There are times we recall those we have lost. These times can cause tears or laughter. Don’t fight the tears, don’t live in the laughter. Doing either will cause us to forget the past and ignore the present and then we will miss the future.

A facebook post for today. These thoughts and the thoughts of my children this weekend push me to expand on the above. (Somebody push Froggy to read this!!) 😉

I’m almost certain it was a tough weekend for all of my daughters. I was with the youngest all day yesterday, so she did have a bit of comfort on mothers’ day itself. The other 3, well I still have a hard time being in multiple places at once. I did make the effort to see the 3 I could, but not enough effort to talk to number 4. Sorry K.

With all of the heartache from the past year. All of the Joy felt. And the new situations we found ourselves in, I am offering some of my thoughts and words.

On mother’s day, my daughters found themselves 6 years without their mother. They were all too young to lose someone so important in their lives. I am not, and will never be a suitable replacement. I just try, with all my human failings, to be the best Dad I can be. Remember her in your hearts. Share your stories with each other. You share that common loss. If there is anyone that you should talk to, it should be your sisters. You know each other, and could comfort each other if you wish.

Don’t fight the tears, the anger, or even the joy you feel when thinking of those you lost. Yes, you should curb your responses to some feelings. Good social contact almost demands it. But try to recognize those feelings. If you need to yell and scream, be open about it. Tell people why you are mad. Try not to take these feelings out on others, but share them. Let the tears fall, if someone asks why, share the reason. It is much easier for us as people to share the good times. WE MUST make the effort to share the hard times with people. Good friends will support us in that. Of course you may not want to share those hard times with the wrong people (social graces, covering your back, ect.).

Don’t be totally consumed by the past. This is a very hard one (I know from experience). At some point the past has to become the past. For each of us that is a different time. In fact, from day to day it may be different. Let it go when you are able. Again, look for help.

I don’t pretend to know all you are going through. You are all different. You are all in different situations. I know what it is like to lose my parents, but that came after I had many years to share with them, and I was on my own. I don’t know what it was like to have a depressed widowed father responsible for me. I don’t know what it was like for you not to have your mother there for you on the important days of your life. I only know what it was like not to have 1/2 of me available at those same times.

Know that I will listen and offer advice (unless you tell me to just listen) and I love you all. I’m only a phone call or two away. And one more thing, ask your sisters if they have read this.

If you were in NW Ohio, NE Indiana or Southern Michigan today, you probably had beautiful fall weather. Warm without being too hot, nice breeze and wispy clouds. And I noticed that some of the leaves have started to change color. We are still a few weeks off from most trees turning red, gold and brown, but it is starting. Some of the early changers have started too lose their leaves. Just a beautiful time…

Except, I still remember the good days from 6 years ago. The days before the intense shoulder pain slowed my wife’s days to a crawl. The good days that soon turned ugly.

I remember that it was about now that I should be holding my new grandson. But the days turned ugly.

I remember the last few days of my Mom’s life from many years ago now. She didn’t know what was coming her way in the waining days of October 2000. And my father, one year later, going through things that I didn’t understand then, but I really do understand them now. While his health wasn’t very good when mom died, he could have lived many years with a bit of luck. My feeling is that his heart broke at the one year mark, and nothing would fix that. After my stress related illnesses of my first few years of being a widower, I can tell you that that takes a toll.

All this happened in those beautiful days of fall. For the past 5 years, I didn’t see much of the beauty. I realized it was there, but other thoughts would push the beauty of the season out of my thoughts. The older thoughts don’t weigh as heavily on my mind now, and for a moment I saw the beauty of the day. Then I noticed my arms were empty…. My daughter and son-in-law have empty arms too. And I wonder when will I see fall again, without its ever present shadow?

In early March of 2004, I was introduced to the terminology ‘grief monster’. This was a term used by other widows and widowers to indicate their feelings after loss. Using the words grief monster seemed to indicate a battle needed to be fought with grief. I didn’t think that was the case then and I don’t think it is the case now.

With a new loss, feelings of grief are again merging with my life. I think that the feelings of grief are there for a reason. Grief is a coping mechanism. While grief isn’t a comfortable feeling, it should be welcomed. We need time to deal with sadness and loss.

The intensity and duration of our feelings of grief indicate where we are in our grief journey. Since people are different, the length and duration of our journeys are also different. The only way we know how far we’ve come is to look at how we feel grief.

In these difficult times of loss, I’ve seen grief as a friend. Not always a friend I want around, but as a needed friend. Tears, anger, frustration are all tools to handle our loss. To fight these feelings, as if fighting a monster, would be counterproductive to help they can bring.

Grief can and will come at unexpected times. These times may be inconvenient or embarrassing, but they need to be accepted. As an adult male, I have been taught to harness my feelings. I found that after my wife’s death, I no longer do this. If tears are needed, tears will be shed. I no longer shy away from my emotions. It has helped with my healing.

There has been new loss in my life. Another grief journey has begun. The road is the same, but different. It is a journey not taken alone, but with the help of others.

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A journey begins with one step; a good journey begins with one step reaching for another’s hand.

It is amazing how we go through life not knowing. I know somethings about my friends, family and associates, but I don’t know others. I know somethings about mathematics and sciences, but there is a lot I don’t know. I know a bit of trivia, but again there is a whole lot I don’t know. I know a little bit about my corner of the computer world, and there are whole other worlds out there. Even people who know a lot, don’t know a whole lot more.

Then there are things that I really knew less about. I wish I knew less about death. I wish I knew less about heart disease and cancer. I wish I knew less about all the hospitals in the area. I wish I knew less about being a widower and an only parent.

There are things I wish I knew more about too. The list is growing everyday. I am sure I will learn more about things I don’t want to know about, but I will also learn more about the things I do want to learn about. It seems like a cycle in life. I hope to learn as long as there is life in this body. That may or may not happen, but it is my hope.

I also wish I knew what the winning numbers would be on the next lottery draw, but that hasn’t happened yet either.