We’re all adults here, right?  Then you’d think the following sign spotted in the band room at a local high school would be less amusing:

Rectal Gas Policy
– Any student who releases audible rectal gas will receive one after school detention.
– Any student who “reacts” to audible or inaudible rectal gas will also receive  one after school detention.
If you feel the need to relieve yourself of rectal gas you must stand in the hallway to pass it.

Where do I start?  First, it must be said that I was visiting the school while attending a wonderful show choir performance starring (as far as I’m concerned) a good friend and my favorite teenager.  She did an awesome job!

After the concert, another friend gave us a brief tour of the new school where she works.  It’s a really nice school, but we were surprised to find that they apparently have an entire policy about a specific bodily function.  I wonder if students actually go into the hallway to abide by the policy.  And it really makes one wonder about the incident(s) that caused the policy to be drafted in the first place.  Asking my friend to make copies of the policy so I can post it on my blog is juvenile, I’ll admit…  but funny is funny, and I find it amusing.  I wonder if the teacher realizes that strangers come through her band room sometimes and read her rectal gas policy?  Did she have to submit it to the principal for approval before posting it?  Hey, Derek, do any of the schools you sub at have a body function policy?

Tonight a group of friends and I went to support a theatre family member who is part of her high school swing/show choir (and her beaming papa as well).  I won’t delve too deeply on the performance, but will say that one of the songs deeply touched me.  I know I have mentioned the beautiful piece entitled “Believe” from the magical movie The Polar Express sung so majestically by Josh Groban.  It has become one of those songs that I HAVE to listen to at least 50 times each holiday season.  It speaks of the magic of dreams and how as people grow older they often lose sight of those dreams.  But just look in the eyes of a child and often you can see, remember, and believe what it was like to be that young and have that wonder inside.  Of course, for some of us that wonder can so easily be reignited or may never have left.  I get goosebumps all over just hearing the song everytime.  Just a chill runs through my entire body.  Maybe those words are trying to tell me something?

The evening also took me back huumanah years to my final holiday concert and the festive medley that the choir sang, entitled Cool Yule.  I don’t remember the entire plot but I do remember that Santa (played by your’s truly) and Mrs. Claus had to rap… and I’m not talking about present wrapping  here.  This was the second time that I had put on the red suit and black boots.  In fifth grade, I was the jolly old elf in our elementary Christmas musical Santa and the Snowmobile in which a slick salesman almost convinces Santa to abandon his team of eight tiny reindeer for a gas-propelled vehicle.  I do remember doing some improvising as the sound of the snowmobile was not properly cued.  I think I gave the cardboard cutout a good swift quick and said to heck with it.  This was long before you-know-who or I would have uttered a quick you-know-what.

Children sleeping, snow is softly falling
Dreams are calling like bells in the distance
We were dreamers not so long ago
But one by one we all had to grow up
When it seems the magic’s slipped away
We find it all again on Christmas day

Believe in what your heart is saying
Hear the melody that’s playing
There’s no time to waste
There’s so much to celebrate
Believe in what you feel inside
And give your dreams the wings to fly
You have everything you need
If you just believe

Trains move quickly to their journey’s end
Destinations are where we begin again
Ships go sailing far across the sea
Trusting starlight to get where they need to be
When it seems that we have lost our way
We find ourselves again on Christmas day

Believe in what your heart is saying
Hear the melody that’s playing
There’s no time to waste
There’s so much to celebrate
Believe in what you feel inside
And give your dreams the wings to fly
You have everything you need
If you just believe
If you just believe
If you just believe
If you just believe
Just believe
Just believe

Ok… look at those words.  Definitely.  Not just on Christmas Day.